Showing up at an important event but only paying attention to email or playing a game on the phone while there is invalidating, whether that is the message the person meant to send or not.Nonverbal self-invalidation is working too much, shopping too much or otherwise not paying attention to your own feelings, thoughts, needs and wants. It’s about accepting someone else’s internal experience as valid and understandable. Not acknowledging how difficult something might be for you to do is hoovering.Saying “No problem, of course I can do that,” when you are overwhelmed, is hoovering.
Still the message is to not feel what you are feeling.
Saying “It’s not such a big deal” when it is important to you is hoovering.